When Anna was seven, I published a book about her called, Upside-Down and Backwards: A Mother’s Story. It was my effort to end the silence around special needs kids. I’d read so many other books that kept referring to these kids as “angels.” Let me tell you, Anna was no angel. And, I wanted to be honest about how I felt which was not “special” as I’d been told by countless well-meaning friends.
Anna was blessed to have three older brothers who adored her. They, along with their dad, have caused her to truly feel like a princess. While that may sound good, it means that I get to be the one to enforce her being more independent. “She can do that for herself,” I’d say. I often wonder if this coddling has kept her from doing so much more. The hardest part is that Anna really doesn’t have any skills that help keep her occupied except ripping paper. I’ve called her a Professional Paper Processor. Now, if only I could find her a job. Instead, she stays in our library with two boxes and rips the newspaper ads I’ve given her in one box and placing them in the second box. If she completes that, she will then move on to paperback books. Lately, magazines have also become fodder for her boxes. It’s very frustrating. I’ve put all my favorite books up high, out of reach so Anna can’t get to them. Still, she’ll find a treasure to rip up including twenty-dollar bills. Just so you know, if you can tape at least 75% of it back together, the bank will take it. Same goes for checks, except you have to make sure you have the bank numbers all in one piece at the bottom. Once, she ripped up a $500 check that was payment for a wedding I officiated. I painstakingly put that back together to save me the embarrassment of having to explain it to the couple. Not sure what they thought if they ever saw the original check!
Her brothers are all on their own now. When they were here, Anna was content to be with them in whatever they were doing. Now, it’s mom and dad and we’re much more boring. In fact, Anna often waves me off, flicking her hand at the wrist to indicate that she can’t be bothered with me and would prefer I “get lost.” And so I do. But, when I return, it’s often to a pile of paper that was once something that has been reduced to nothing, thanks to Anna.
Once we visited our neighbors, both ex-teachers. Beth, the wife, said, “So what does Anna like to do?” She was ready to pull out puzzles or coloring books or anything from their stash of fun. I was dumbstruck and said, “That’s a good question.” Thankfully, Anna loves Beth’s spouse, Dennis and she spent the time doing hand-games with him. Hand games are Anna’s version of getting others to stay engaged with her. It’s quite effective. She has a million different ways of making hand gestures that her partner mimics and then she switches it up just when the person might consider leaving her alone. It works on family, friends and total strangers in department stores. Most everyone complies which only serves to reinforce the game. Often, I’ll say, “OK. We’re good now,” thus releasing the hand-victim to their hard-won freedom.